Why I'm Tired of Being the Strong Best Friend

Dear Strong Best Friend,

Find one person that allows you to always stay true to yourself, and let them love on you...

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It’s 12:29, on a humid summer’s night as I write this. A year from now this moment, day, or time will be irrelevant, but it’s more about the feelings of this moment. The only thing I’ve ever wanted in life was genuine happiness. Happiness that is exude in my walk, my smile, and my actions. It took a while, but I’m there. However, it took me being vulnerable and broken to get here. Y’all, I honestly didn’t know who I was at one point. I was just existing. Literally, searching for a PEACE of mind, and I do mean peace. So who does the strong friend turn to in her moment of turmoil? I can’t give you the answer because I still haven’t found it. I’m living proof that the strong friend doesn’t get a day off. She isn’t allowed to have a bad day. In the past year I took so many L’s that the average person would have cracked under pressure. However, the expectation was “She’s Necia, she’ll get over it.”

Do you know how hard it is to sit in a room full of people, and still feel alone? Do you know how maddening it is to listen to your friends problems, and you’re sitting on a molehill of shit yourself? But you listen anyway, and find a way to give them advice you can’t even give yourself. Or how it feels to grieve a physical and mental death? The check-ins for the strong friend are limited; they come far and few in between. In one year, I lost my job, my marriage, and my grandfather. It seemed like my constants in life that kept me anchored all left at once. I’m was use to swimming in rough waters, but I never saw any of it coming. It all hit me in one wave, and there is power in oneness. It took me being my own best friend, worst enemy, and plenty of prayer to realize my purpose. Kehlani reference’s going with the tide in her song “Be Alright.” I had to drown in everything, only to resurface. I had to realize that the actual power exist in the wave that realizes it is the ocean. Missed it huh? Don’t worry, you’ll catch that wisdom later. I’m writing this to simply say: Let people in, strong best friend. They don’t know you’re hurting, we mask it so well. Cry, shout, be SELFish, but don’t spend another day trying to figure it all out alone. It’s okay not to be okay; it’s safe to be free.

Namaste🌸