Lost Connections: Exploring the Emotions of Being Unchosen, Ghosted, or the One Who Got Away

As much as we hope, it doesn’t happen—we’ve all been the girl on the other side of heartbreak. We have all witnessed someone we care about or even love, who never chooses to be with us. No amount of time or self-love prepares you for the day that someone thinks you’re not worthy of their love. And as much as your friends may pour into you, it doesn’t change the fact that shit hurts like hell.

But imagine if he or she had chosen you. Would it be a victory worthwhile? Would it be the same thing that makes you smile? Or would it be another way to inflate your ego? Is everyone we lose a loss? Had they chosen you could you appreciate the beauty in your scars, or the sacrifice involved with your struggle?

How many memorable moments would have happened had they chosen you or if you stayed another day? How many experiences would you have missed? Would your laugh, your walk or your purpose still be the same? How can we expect someone to choose us when they haven’t even chosen themselves? Too many of us are waiting on broken, misguided, or selfish people to make us their source of happiness. Yet, the sad reality is they haven’t found happiness within themselves to appreciate the light someone else brings to the table.

I am content with not being selected because I am not sure who I would have become if I had been chosen. There is happiness in being the one who got away because you never have to worry about whether you are good enough or struggle for the attention of a man's half-hearted affection. There is joy in not changing who you are to earn someone's love. Furthermore, nothing we lose was intended for us in the first place. We frequently cling too tightly to people who were never ours. We pray and wish that they will one day recognize us. We give so much of ourselves freely and are let down when it is insufficient. Liberate yourself from the belief that not being selected reflects on your character, appearance, or you.

The real question remains had he or she chosen you, when would you have chosen yourself?