Twenty3

I started this blog two years ago with the intention of it just being something to do. When I started this blog, I was hurt, broken, and bitter. I had lost everything that I valued including myself. I didn’t care about life, my family, or myself. I had plenty of days that I wanted to just end it all. I felt like I wasn’t good enough or enough for anyone to love. I put all my self-worth into things and people that were seasonal. I coped through liquor and partying. I didn’t know who God was anymore and I couldn’t see the plan he had for me. I lowered my standards for so many people. However, this blog became more than just something to do. During my process of growth, I desired more for it.

Two years later, and I can finally say I’m working on the woman I strive to be. I still have some kinks to work out, but at least I’m able to admit I need work. A few years ago, they would have been an uphill battle with no results. During the last two years, I’ve encountered people that gave me small olive branches. In the sense, they each gave me a clue about who I was or opened an area that was once blocked. I’ve met great friends and lovers during that time. I just wasn’t what they needed me to be, and I’m probably still not. However, this time it’s not due to me being not enough. I never LACKED anything... I just wasn’t sure of what I wanted. I had stop living my life under false pretenses. I’ve cried plenty of days, but I’ve laughed even more. I’m happy from my soul and these days I’m getting rid of anyone who threatens that. I’ll never give up on myself and the plan placed in front of me. I’m happy that despite everything that could have torn me down—I remained. I didn’t know this part of my life existed, and some days I still have unanswered questions. I just had to believe that my suffering wouldn’t be in vain.

These days I try not spend too much time dwelling on the past. It no longer serves me and nothing is really meant to last forever. I realized that those growing pains hurt for a reason. Its what I went through, not who I am.

What I desire and deserve now is a life that I don’t run from. What I desire and deserve now is a love that exist even in the worst external conditions. I plan on creating that for myself even if it means doing it alone. I refuse to allow anyone to make me feel less than. I refuse to settle for just enough. I have so many things to celebrate, but the simple things make me smile these days. Plenty of things are in the works in my life, and if you know, then you just know. I spent too much time planning out loud when it’s all about execution. Happy Birthday to BGMUnscripted! You’ve grown into part of the foundation for my life while saving it. Two years later, I’m happy to share that BGMUnscripted has gained more than 100 subscribers, has made 48 dope, inspirational entries to date, and is connected to other national blog sites. I pray that with every share, subscribe, and post a light is sparked for someone—even if it’s just me.

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