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The Real Her: The Reality of Losing Friends

Dear Little Black Girl,

You’re authentic, and a few people won’t like that shit. Guess what? It’s not your job to make them either.


This is more of a reminder than my journey. This is a reminder of watching who you allow in. Along my journey I’ve encountered plenty of friends, and I’m using this term loosely. However, I’ve encountered this same “friend” in every walk of my journey. I reflected and realized it had to be a reason these same people pop up along my journey. Be careful of the “still” friend in your life. You know the friend I’m speaking of. She’s STILL stagnant! STILL bitter! And she STILL doesn’t like you! I’m referring to the jealous, vindictive, I’m happy for you as long as you aren’t doing better than me friend. I’ve had my fair share of those type of friends on every major journey of my life. But you know what I realized? It wasn’t me they didn’t like, it was my purpose they couldn’t get with. I realized in the last few months that my purpose is bigger than me, and everyone won’t like that. I’ve had “friends” stab me in the front then turn around and get offended for calling them out on it. I’ve had friends who tried to take my happy moments away because it wasn’t happening in their life. I’ve had friends that shared secrets with the enemy only for it to be revealed in time. I’ve even had friends dig a ditch for me, but guess who ended up falling in? Them! Be careful of who you allow into your ENERGY. Notice the word I used, energy, your energy is important to your mental health. I don’t want anyone attached to my energy that doesn’t align with my purpose. Be careful of “personality leeches.” You’re probably asking what a personality leech is. It’s a person, who hangs in your company that literally sucks on you and how you move. Before you know it they like the same music you do, the same brand of clothes, and they “aspire” to be like you. They’re always in comparison and in competition with what you have going on. Watch them! They will latch on to you and drain your energy to the point you’re confused on what direction to take. Be careful of people who say they want to be like you. I’ve had three “friends” tell me this, and trust they all had ill intentions when they said it. Also, be careful of the backhanded compliment friend or the one who covers up an insult with a “joke.” Nah, sis they mean that ish! I recall having a friend, who always brought attention to what name brand I was wearing at that time or how I was spending my money. I realized being friends with this young lady was detrimental to my mental health. I cut her off years ago and I’ve never looked back. How I carry myself, the degrees I attain, or how much I make annually shouldn’t determine your loyalty to me. I was told to look at the five women you spend the most time with and you’ll see a reflection of yourself. I was hanging with people in every walk of my life that weren’t a true reflection of me.

Everyone isn’t there to catch you. Some people only love you to the extent of which they can use you. Some only love you to the extent of which their capacity for life is going. I’m here to tell you, don’t be afraid to drop those friends off without warning. Don’t allow anyone to OVERSHADOW your purpose because they’re uncertain of theirs! I’ve said this before, but here it is again: I will achieve everything I deserve simply because others think I shouldn’t have it. You can’t prosper being someone else, be yourself! It costs nothing to walk in your own light and purpose. You can’t have the CALLING that God has on my life. You’ll continue to be miserable, stagnant, and bitter by walking in the shadows of someone else’s light.

Free yourself sis, or that anchor of “being someone else” will take you under. Namaste✌🏾🌸


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