From my pictures and my list of endeavors, I seem to have my life together. I’m a vibrant, quick-witted, and all around free spirit. I am the biggest project and priority I’ll commit to. My healing journey hasn’t been a walk in the park despite how it may look to others. So many nights I cried, got frustrated, and thought about giving it all up. Although, I’ve made strides in my healing journey, I still find myself questioning my abilities. The beauty of questioning though is that you always get an answer.
Healing from life’s woes can diminish some of the parts of us we’ve grown to overlook. Certain aspects of adulthood force us to sit down and do the work. It took me getting my heart broken to realize just how much work I had to do.
Of all the things I’ve overcome forgiving myself is the one thing I haven’t mastered. I beat myself constantly for choices that I’ve healed from. I get upset that I allowed anyone to hurt me or abuse my love. Although, I’ve forgiven the people who have hurt me—I can’t give myself that same grace. I can’t give myself the time to say “its okay you didn’t get it right.” I’ve learned that I’m not my mistakes but I still won’t give myself love for not knowing better at that moment. People reference many things as being blocks in their healing, but I guarantee all of it relates back to forgiveness. Why is that we can forgive someone for abusing our love, yet we can’t forgive ourselves for not loving ourselves enough. We owe ourselves the same forgiveness, love, and reconciliation that we provide others. Forgiving is truly for self and I never understood the depth of that until recently. Sitting with ourselves and learning our wounds are the only way to prevent from being cut twice with the same offense. Healing hurts, it was never meant to be pretty or glorified as a trend.