Struggling and striving

Most people have experienced those moments of low moments. Moments where you feel like you are drowning and overwhelmed. Seems like no matter what you do, how much you stay on the right track. Life seems to keep busting your ass. Know why? Because you haven’t learned your lesson yet?

A repeated experience in life or “familiar feeling” should give us a signal that something is wrong. Think about it.

I have been through a lot of situations in life where I keep getting knocked down. Like Rose said on Titanic (1997) I feel as if I was screaming at the top of my lungs in room full of people and no one even looks up.

Depression is real, it’s real af. But culturally, African Americans aren’t too open to this harsh reality. Guidance tell us to pray, give it to God and leave it there. I have a strong foundation in the church, but haven’t physically sat down in one for a service in YEARS. Main reason is because I have been manipulated by “so called Christians” to work for my greater good. When honestly your greater good is anything that you do that makes your inner self feel better. Your InnerG is what is SOULY important. I might piss off a few with my statement but oh well. THE CHURCH IS JUST A BUILDING. I am the CHURCH. I am the GOSPEL. I am the I AM. I am who I am for who I need to be for myself . I am learning the true depths of words and culture and in the words of the beautiful legend Miss Erykah Badu, “if we were made in his image then call us by our names, most intellectuals do not believe in God but they fear us just the same”.

I am in no way saying that GOD doesn’t exist. And tbh whatever and whomever you worship is ethnically your right to do so. I don’t care about the logistics, I’m saying mentally a lot of are drowning bc of we still carrying the same burdens we were taught to let go in prayer because we haven’t done the InnerWork to release it.

I am currently preparing to finally complete what feels like my 18,000th year in school for a degree I feel is a waste, but honestly I feel like I have no choice because I’m so close to finishing but I struggle many of days. Mentally. Life has let me down in so many aspects and I try to find motivation within myself to keep going because I know the benefits of a degree. I worked hard and invested alot of time and sleepless nights to get this degree, but I’m unhappy because it isn’t the degree I wanted. I was structurally prohibited by my school. Oh well, can’t cry over spilled milk, all I can is take what I have and blossom.

Keep going. Just keep swimming. You will make it to your destination just like DORIE did on Finding Nemo.

Peace and blessings!