Respecting The Disrespect

So I told you guys I’ll always give you my truth. These last few weeks have been a test of my patience and part of my sanity. The best thing I’ve ever done this year is leaving people where they had me fucked up at. If the last few weeks have taught me nothing, they’ve taught me that people already have what type of person you are in their mind. Its also taught me that people will forget the 77 times you helped them up when you inconvenience them once. It doesn’t take much for people’s loyalty to change these days. Anyone that has ever had the opportunity of being in my inner circle will tell you...if I love you then you never have to worry. My intentions for the ones I love are always pure. I pride myself on being the best whatever to whoever is in my life. However, I do make mistakes and I do fall short. I’m human and I have feelings contrary to what people would have you believe. Recently, five people showed me just how much loyalty is tied to convenience for them. So here’s a little background information on the five. One was upset about a blog I wrote, and how it portrayed them. Yet, versus reaching out to apologize for the hurt they caused me, I became the enemy. Another individual got upset because after months of no communication they wanted to inconvenience my life with unrequited feelings, because it fit into their schedule. Yet, never admitted that his actions were selfish. Another got upset because my new relationship status didn’t fit into his plans as a man. Recently, though whew chile let me tell you about the last two. I got shaded, berated, subliminally called out, and I’m pretty sure talked about to anyone who would listen. Either way the last two were the most confusing to me. These are people I’ve done things for, put in positions to better themselves, and for one even held them down in a controversy. However, despite it all I still wish them the best. Mind you these are the people I’ve given the world to during my good and bad. I’ll admit I can be a handful, but my love can never be questioned. I’m not always the easiest to talk to or figure out. I’ll admit that. Yet, the one time I wasn’t what they “needed” I became the worst person in the world.

🗣But let me tell you what you’re not going to do:

I refuse to allow anyone’s perception of me to change how I carry myself. I don’t really give a damn how anyone views me at this point. I could tell people the same thing repeatedly, but they’ll choose their own truth for me. However, I know who I am. I don’t care what you’ve heard, who told it to you, or if it’s information that holds value. Ask those same people to give you a list of the good I’ve done as well. It’s easy to point out what I was or what I did when you’re angry. I know my truth and I’ll walk in it...but I’ll be damn if I let anyone drag me for fun. I’ll let whoever think whatever. I’ll be whatever you call me in the conversations you don’t think I know about. Hell, I’ll even be the jealous, petty, miserable, and bitter girl too. I just know I’m done inconveniencing myself to fit into the needs of others. I’m matching the energy, effort, and love that I receive. So if that means being the bad guy so be it. So here’s me saying I wish peace, clarity, wisdom, but most importantly love to: the girl who said I was less of a woman since I had no kids, the friend who called me jealous in the nail shop and spread my “business” to others, to the girls that watch my Snaps because they talk to my soon to be ex husband, to the ex that still doesn’t know how to be a man, and to the people who think they know my life due to gossip. This is me telling you to believe the rumors. Whatever you heard is true. I can’t spend my time righting wrongs with people, who CHOOSE to see the worst in me. I’ll continue to love on the ones who tell me when I’m fucking up, or check me when I’m slipping. I can’t sit around convincing anyone that I’m not the same person I was a year, six months, or even three months ago. Why? Because the people who truly love me know that I’m not. I don’t have to prove to them that I’ve changed. To quote Kehlani: I don’t waste my time tryna prove that I’m something to see. The real ones they know, and the ones that do not I don’t need. Bless up❤️

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