It took me sitting alone with my thoughts to realize the lyrics of the same song I was tired of singing. I couldn’t cry about the same situation that I continuously put myself in. My pattern in dating, love, and guys are the same. I think I realized it months ago, but didn’t want to change the song. I overcompensate for what they lack. I try my hardest to show just how much of an asset I am. I’ve always been a top tier woman, but I’ve been giving to half-full men. I say half-full because they’re all great men, but their intentions change with time. They don’t see or appreciate their value so the glass remains half-full until they know better. So they seek something more to add to cups only they can fill. In my case, they start to realize that I’m more than a pretty face and a nice body. They get to know me, and realize that my energy is unmatched, #respectfully. Then, that insecure part of their psyche creeps in and tells them they aren’t good enough. They begin to see just how much they lack or how much inner work is needed. So the cycle starts of the usual push-pull. One day they’re all for me, then the next day its radio silence. Which leaves me wondering what’s wrong with me? What am I not doing right? I’ve had men date me only to settle with women who aren’t half of who I am. Naturally, as a woman you begin to think that my standards may be to high. Should I change them? Be more lenient in certain aspects?
Recently, one of my guy friends told me the reason why guys flee from me.
“You’re too good of a woman to come to you any type of way. You make a man realize what he needs to work on and every man isn’t ready to do that. Your energy is powerful and most men don’t even know how to approach that.”
I appreciated his candor, even respected it. Sometimes as women we think that we aren’t good enough for a guy and that is partially true. We aren’t good enough for THAT guy. We aren’t good enough for half-ass affection. We just aren’t good enough to settle for less than what we deserve. Yet, it’s baffling to know that men will see your potential as a wife and take just enough to make themselves better. So of course they come back, but its only to fix another crack with our glue aka energy. We fill a part of the brokenness they’re attempting to avoid. So why keep bothering me if you don’t want or can’t rise up to be the man I need?
I realize the power I possess and my answer is hell no to any man disturbing my peace. I don’t care how the relationship will benefit me if it isn’t purposeful. Any man that wants me will rise to pursue me and heal himself as necessary to keep me. I am not here to heal or mend broken men. I am not here to help anyone figure out their mom complex they may have. I am simply here to add to your wholeness—I’m not adding to the HALF of anyone anymore. Why? I’m whole by myself so I refuse to give my energy, my sacredness as a woman, my mind, or my spirit for nothing in return. That doesn’t serve me or the life I have planned for myself. So I’m more than happy for the guys that walk away or never approach me. Thank you for realizing my value and the space I hold as a woman. Yet, thank you even more for knowing that I’m not the type of woman you can energetically afford.