Failing at Love

Dear Little Black Girl,

You are made from love, flower, and glitter. The world bends at your feet, you have the power to conquer anything.


Dear Little Black Boy,

You are deserving of love, it's that simple.


I've been through my fair share of relationships, situation-ships, and the occasional wtf are we doing phases. Love is a funny thing; everyone seeks a love that's made just for them. It can't be put into words, but you know it when you find it.

It was 2008, when this particular young man entered into my life. I didn't know it at that moment, but he would become a major part of my life. The first time we connected, I knew that he would spark a change in my life. We've shared some intimate moments that changed the dynamic of our friendship. He is a solid part of who I am today. He holds a special key to my heart, and he acknowledges this. I think I loved him with one of the biggest pieces of my heart. He'll probably always have a place there. I see the potential in all the things he can achieve. However, I couldn't continue to allow his potential to stop me from the seeing the bigger picture. You can love someone, but you can’t make them realize your worth. You can’t keep hoping that one day they will notice all the effort you’re shelling out. Building or investing in someone requires consistency. What’s love really worth if the foundation isn’t solid? You can’t build a relationship on what ifs or maybes. Sometimes the check-ins aren‘t enough, sometimes the never ending text thread isn’t enough...but consistency is!

I said all that to say this: Don’t take someone’s love for granted just because it exist. They will learn to love you without acknowledging you. Stop taking advantage of the fact that “she’ll/he’ll always be there.” Remember, flowers do grow. A few of you miss out on a good person because of your pride. Your pride won’t allow you to let someone in or experience a new norm. You don‘t want to love because you don’t want to look foolish or battle with the opinions of others. A woman or man that wants to build with you doesn’t care what you lack. They’re more in tune with what you are and what you can become. You can’t love someone when it’s convenient for you. You can’t miss someone when it’s convenient for you. Love isn’t a part-time feeling, it isn’t something that you can control with a switch. If someone loves you or aims to invest in you how you are, take a chance. Make the effort. No, they might not be your usual type, but they’re consistent. No, they might not be perfect, but they love you. Guess what? That’s all that matters. I’m not saying to lower or change your standards, but start loving for what matters. However, if you don’t plan on loving that man or women, don’t disturb their peace. Stop seeking love for how it looks, and seek it for how it feels. Don’t get too comfortable, because even the good ones know when to let go.



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